看看新加坡政府控管人民的本事

新加坡有許多有趣的地方，多元種族很有趣，飲食習慣很有趣，人民很有意思，美女超多，不論黑皮膚的印度女生、馬來女生，或比較白晰的華人女生，走在烏節路上，我常覺得這裡真是個好地方。


(圖說) 新加坡的雙人女生團在榴槤劇院（Esplanade）外的廣場上演唱 bossa nova 風格的歌曲，十分動聽；新加坡女生很多都類似台上的這兩位歌手，體型纖細，但身材都相當好，且喜歡穿露胸酥的衣服，相當性感。


唯一有一點我一直不習慣：政府太愛管事，你不太能大放厥詞。

比如這次我到當地開會，正好碰上一件事情，有個外國合唱團在當地被禁唱了。

事情是這樣的，在這個所謂的 Fringe Festival （邊緣表演節）活動中，有個合唱表演團體「Complaints Choir Project」打算表演一首「新加坡的發牢騷之歌」。

消息一傳出來，新加坡政府馬上出面禁止這個團體的演出，因為政府認為，這個團體「已經干涉到新加坡的內政」。

我引用當地最大媒體新加坡海峽時報的報導：




「MDA deputy director Amy Tsang said on Sunday in response to media queries a licence was issued for the choir to perform 'provided the performers are Singapore citizens, as the content touches on domestic affairs and it is preferred that only Singapore citizens participate in the public performance'. 」

(政府官員 Amy Tsang 說：歌曲內容涉及本地事務，若要公開表演，只有新加坡人能參加。)

喔喔，這個心態的意思就是：新加坡自己的事情只能由新加坡自己的人來說啦，輪不到你外國人來指指點點。但話說回來，新加坡人其實也不太能說什麼，說太多的話，會惹毛政府的。

那麼，到底這首歌的歌詞有什麼大不了的需要政府出面干涉呢？我是覺得都是很好笑的東西啊，比如：

「When a pregnant lady gets on the train
Everyone pretends to be asleep」

(孕婦進了捷運車廂，大家都假裝在睡覺)

「People blow their nose into the swimming pool (and pee too)」

(有人會在游泳池裡擤鼻涕，還偷尿尿)

Why can’t we be buried when we die?

(死了為何不能選擇土葬 [*註：新加坡因為地小人稠，因此規定死人一律火化])

The indoors are cold, the outdoors are hot;

(室內很冷，戶外很熱 [*註：新加坡全年夏天，相當熱，但室內空調真的超冷])

大概都是這類的小抱怨，其實是搞笑 kuso 的成分較多。

但我猜可能是這句話刺到新加坡政府吧？

「My oh my Singapore
What exactly are we voting for?
What's not expressly permitted
is prohibited」

( 新加坡啊，我們幹嘛要投票呢？反正沒有明文允許的，都是通通禁止的啦)

沒錯，新加坡一黨獨大，反對黨基本上是沒有生存空間，且被打壓的很誇張。

所以上次有位馬英九的搭檔候選人說要把台灣變成新加坡，我就想，「真的是頭殼壞去喔。」

喔，對了，後來這個新加坡抱怨合唱團果然取消公開表演，但他們也夠狠，把私下表演內容完整放到 YouTube 去，這下，全世界都看得到了。

(以下附上歌詞，但先說了，其實表演蠻爛的。)





歌詞：

We get fined for almost anything
Drivers won't give chance when you want to change lane
The indoors are cold, the outdoors are hot;
And the humid air, it wrecks my hair
Those answering machines always make you hold
Only to hang up on you

When a pregnant lady gets on the train
Everyone pretends to be asleep
I'm stuck with my parents till I'm 35
Cause I can't apply for HDB
We don't recycle any plastic bags
But we purify our pee

*chorus:
What's wrong with Singapore?
Losing always makes me feel so sore
Cause if you're not the best
Then you're just one of the rest

My oh my Singapore
What exactly are we voting for?
What's not expressly permitted
is prohibited

"Ooh"

When I'm hungry at the food court, I see
People chope seats with their tissue paper
To the auntie staying upstairs:
Your laundry's dripping on my bed sheets
Please don't squat on the toilet seats
And don't clip your nails on MRT

Stray cats get into noisy affairs
At night my neighbor makes weird animal sounds
People put on fake accents to sound posh
And queue up 3 hours for donuts
Will I ever live till eighty five
to collect CPF?

*chorus

Singaporeans too kiasu! (so scared to lose)
Singaporeans too kiasi! (so scared to die)
Singaporeans too kiabor! (scared of their wives)
Maybe we’re just too stressed out! (even the kids)

"Ooh"

Old National Library was replaced by an ugly tunnel
Singaporean men can’t take independent women
People blow their nose into the swimming pool (and pee too)
And fall asleep on my shoulder in the train

Singapore’s national bird is the crane (the one with yellow steel girders)
Real estate agents’ leaflets clogging up my mailbox (en bloc, en bloc, en bloc, en bloc)
Why can’t we be buried when we die?
No one wants to climb Bukit Timah with me

*chorus

There are not enough public holidays
My neighbor sings KTV all night
Wedding dinners never start on time
My hair is always cut shorter than I want
Channel 5 commercials are way too long
Why do men turn bald?

At first it was to speak more mandarin
Then it was to speak proper English
What’s wrong with my powderful Singlish?

People sit down during rock concerts
We have to pay for tap water at restaurants
ERP gantries are everywhere
But I can still see traffic jams on the road
All the bus stops have tilted benches
Cannot access playboy.com

*chorus